do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
