i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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