He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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