Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize