If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
