An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
