Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
