We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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