We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
