we have officially lost it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize