walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
