I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
