That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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