apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize