Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
