No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
