If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
