so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
