i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize