So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
