I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
