i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
