OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
