I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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