sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
