sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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