Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
