Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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