i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
