I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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