just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
