wrigley field is MILF paradise
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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