Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
