is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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