Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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