Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
