It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
