I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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