i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am mentally ready for anal.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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