Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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