I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
