This is not my ceiling
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
