we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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