I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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