Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
