We're facebook friends in real life
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My vagina is officially offended.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Couch. On fire.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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