Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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