I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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