I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
