Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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