I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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