You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
