party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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