You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
