I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
