True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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