apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
