He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
