it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
