Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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