he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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