just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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