i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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