He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
