I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
