My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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