Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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